Down Memory Lane...

Hmm... Been a while since the last time I updated my blog, isn't it? And to be honest, I can't seem to actually put my fingers on what to write anymore. Not that I don't have any stories to share, it's just that when it comes to writing something for others to actually read, it seems hard to make it interesting.. With few English vocabularies, one can never actually describe with bombastic words (and I know some of you will actually say "No need to be bombastic, just tell how you feel."). Again, this is where I'll go blank.

I'm one of those people who never express true feelings to others. Even when I'm having a major problem, I'll always smile and pretend that nothing's wrong (which is hard). And trust me, that's is even harder to do.

Earlier today, my friends and I had filled accommodation forms for our studies in University of Otago next year. While filling in those forms, it brings me back to those days when I was in Paris visiting my parents. And now, here I am, looking back on my experiences. Bearing in mind that I am leaving my family soon, it feels a bit sad. Even though I'm used to being apart with my family, this will be the first time that I'm going away while the rest of them stays.

Now that I'm looking back, there are two ways to actually do this: from the beginning till now; and from now, and goes back in time until the beginning. And trust me, I can never decide on which way to use. So, I'll use both ways. I'll look back through time by linking the events together, regardless of when it happened.

Where shall I start? TESL Gala 2010? That was fun. In fact, it was the BEST night I've ever had in my life! Our theme that time was "True Colours" that makes us show who we really are. And guess what? I dressed as the MAD HATTER! I think most of my friends know how ANNOYING I am now. And hyperactive. I said that I'm always smiling, right? Like there's nothing happening. Well, that's why. I don't want people to know, and I also want others to be happy always. There's a saying, "Every dark cloud has a silver lining." I always hold on to that. Until now. And I also hold on to a quote by Ellen DeGeneres saying "Silence is Golden" which is the exact opposite of who I really am.

Which brings me back a little bit to our Biro Tatanegara (BTN) camp that we had last week. We had an activity where we have to write a letter to our parents, telling them what we have always wanted to say. And truth be told, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. Because to be honest, being apart from them has taught me how to live on my own.So when the facilitator said that we have to write a letter to our parents, I was dumb-struck. And I actually cried that night. A LOT. Even my friend Shah cried along with me when he saw me crying. Why did I cry? I hardly contact my parents. Even when I do, I won't be able to keep the conversation for a long time. And sometimes, they are busy, being in their profession as a navy and a teacher, they both have their own commitments and jobs. Which leaves me alone and, to me, it feels like I'm actually forgotten.

Which brings me to my birthday. This year, for the 3rd time, only a few wished me verbally. My family? Thanks to the technology we have now, only texts are the replacements of their voices singing "Happy Birthday" to me. And that's only my mother and my siblings. Aunts? Uncles? Cousins? No answer to that. What more with Facebook! Wall posts kept coming like a clown car! And there's no way to stop them! Except when the day's over, that is. And that is because I've decided to show my birth date on my profile. What if I didn't? Would they still remember my birthday?

When it comes to celebration, this brings me to the most recent gathering that we had (apart from TESL Gala), which is the Hari Raya Gathering. The gathering was held for 2 major reasons: to celebrate Hari Raya, Moon Cake Festival, Gawai Kaamatan and the upcoming Deepavali at the time and also to welcome our beloved TESL babies of the June 2010 intake. And what a blast we had! And I'm so sorry that I can't provide any pictures for this particular post because truth be told, I didn't have the time to actually take pictures. And when it comes to pictures, as always, I won't be in them. Why? That's because I'm the one taking the pictures, and nobody offered to take a picture of me... Sounds sad?

Not as sad as missing the opportunities to explore the place that you've been living in for the past two years. I'm not one to actually say bad things about my friends; I love them very much. But when it comes to organizing a visit to a certain interesting place in Sarawak (preferably near to Kuching), no one invited me along. I've never been to Cultural Village Sarawak where all of Sarawak's unique culture are under one roof, I've never been to Serikin which is the place to shop for cheap clothings, and I've never been to Bako National Park where nature is breathtaking. The only places in Kuching that I've been to are The Spring, Boulevard, India Street, Waterfront, Wisma Satok, and not forgetting Wisma Saberkas. Oh, and also Matang Wildlife Centre (thanks to the KPLI January 2009 intake). Other than that? Just Saratok for our Leadership Camp and Miri for our JPP Leadership course. Even that is actually because I was one of the JPP last year.

And ever since foundation year, I feel like I'm always remembered when people need my help. And being one of those persons who never say 'no' unless I have other commitments, people seem to be coming to me whenever they need help. Even when it is clear that they have nothing else to do, or they can do it themselves. Why ask for help when you can do it yourself?

One of my cohort friends asked me one time, "Why do you always go out with people who are not from your class?" My answer? Simple. "Why didn't they invite me along?" Even when I go out with others, it is because I wanted to go there and going with them gives me the opportunity to actually go there on a transport that is cheap and fast. Why wait for people to invite you when they always forget? And when I say "I've never been there," they would say "Oh, you've missed the chance of a lifetime!" Of course I missed it. NO ONE WANTED TO TAKE ME ALONG!

Okay, I've burden you all A LOT with my problems now. Trust me, it was unconsciously done because I just type what's going on in my mind. And trust me, this isn't half of it. There's more to it.

So, a quick reminder to everyone who reads my blog, NEVER FORGET YOUR FRIENDS; even if they always forget you.

With all due respect,
Hafiz Khairuddin