of friends, dreams, and hope...

Somehow, updating this blog has not been a frequent habit as I wished I would have.. But then, updating it once in a while would be really great and now, here I am updating about what has been going on with my life for the past few months...

I am going to miss this place very much...

This year is my final year here in New Zealand... I know, time flies by really fast and I actually dreamed to stay here a bit longer, at least another year... But then, being away from home for almost 2 years is already a pain to me... Because there's no place like home...

Speaking of home, there are a few reasons why someone would call a place "home"... Here's my reason why I would call a place "home":

1) It's where family is (obviously)
2) It's where you feel safe
3) It's where people really care about you
4) It's where you can be yourself without others judging you
5) It's where friends are...

Goofing around with Ivan..

Naserah, Jane, Elfira and I...

Mr. Addy and I...

 And speaking of friends, I attended a barbecue event to celebrate 3 of my newly-met friends this afternoon and as I was standing in a corner watching all of them, I find myself thinking: would I still have friends who are as awesome as these are back in Malaysia? The ones that are so open and fun? Deep down inside, I know I will because right now, apart from my TESL friends, they are all waiting for me back home... The atmosphere will be different, that I'm sure.. And I will have to control myself and my openness.. But one thing that will stay the same will be this: the same feeling will always be there. That feeling like they are only looking at you because they know you'll be around when they need you and forget you the minute they get what they want... I will always feel that way, and I'm cool with that... Because they also have other friends than me.. So long as they understand that I too have feelings, and so long as I know and believe that God is always there for me, I'll definitely be fine...

Goofing off with Jeffrey...

Sarah and I...

Annie and I...

Faustina, Annie, Elaine, Kah Yenn, Bellina and Ivan (the new couple)

Bellina, Ivan and Stephen during their birthday BBQ...

I always find myself dream about things that will never happen... What if my crush likes me back? Would I be able to accept it? What if my friends really forget about me? What if they stab me from the back when I need them? What if I were to be alone for the rest of my life? Is that my fate? Sometimes I dream that I have someone that I can go to if my family were to be far away like now... Someone who cares about me deeply and is always there for me no matter what... But that is just a dream.... A hope that may or may not come true...

And I'm actually jealous of those who have that special someone in their lives... I actually grew really jealous recently when my 2 new friends finally declared that they are going out... But, I said to myself, "Don't be jealous.. Be happy for them... Now they don't just have friends to turn to, they have a special someone that they can really rely on.." and after that, I'm not sad anymore... Well, not until now when I'm writing this down...

I'll definitely miss those faces up there... I know that someday, if God wills it, we will definitely meet again... Till then, it is really nice to have known all of you....

With all due respect,
Hafiz Khairuddin

My Brother and Me - A Short Story

This entry is totally about my little short story that I wrote for my assignment.... Enjoy!

MY BROTHER AND ME

My name is Harry. I have an older brother who’s very special to me. How special? Very special. He’s a person who really cares about me apart from my parents. If my parents were gone, he’s the only one I’ve got. And I know I can rely on him.

         Every teacher in my school thinks I’m special. My classmates thought so too; but not the kids from other classes. Whenever I’m in school, they were always calling me names. “Freak!” was one of them and that hurt me the most. Did my brother help me? Of course he did! He just went to them and said, “You guys are the freaks! He’s better than you lot!” He’s the best. And I’m not special. I’m just like the others, like everyone else. I’m just short, too short for my age. But my brother looks at me and said, “They don’t understand yet,” and I love him for that because he understands me the most.

At home, my parents treated me like I was a baby; like I needed their help all the time. I don’t need their help at all. I know I can manage myself really well. Sometimes, I pity my brother. He never gets this kind of attention. I feel bad about it. But he just said, “It’s okay. I’m a big boy. I can handle it.” I told him I don’t want this kind of attention and he told me that soon it will end. “Just you wait,” he said. He’s never mad at me. He’s always so kind.

The worst part is when we go out for dinner or shopping. We act normal, like nothing’s happening. Except that I know it’s not normal. Not in the eyes of others. I can see other children pointing at me and whispering to each other as we walk past. If they are with their parents, the parents would slap their hands down and pull them away from my sight. What did my brother do? He walks either in front of me or behind me. When I asked why, he said that he doesn’t want people to upset me. “They don’t understand. They don’t know how it really is,” he said. At first I didn’t understand what he meant, but after a while, I found that what those children did disturbs me. Just like in school on my first day. But I learned fast; faster than my classmates! At first I had a teacher-aide in class that catered to my needs. His name was Mr. Johnson. I found him helpful at the beginning of my schooling years. But when I reached Year 4, I could do my work and activities on my own. Mr Johnson stayed for a while, helping me whenever I asked him to. After a while, my parents saw that I didn’t need him anymore and so did my teacher. I felt a bit sad when Mr. Johnson left, but I know that it means I get to do more stuff than I used to and that gets me excited!

At the end of my primary school, I felt more confident because I knew I was capable of the school works. I even gained a lot of new friends from other classes. My brother was right: they didn’t understand back then. But high school brings more challenges because we had to move. And everything seemed to repeat itself. The bullying, the isolation, and they all made me feel left out; made me feel different. My brother went to school with me and he was protective of me. One time, he punched his classmate Jory for calling me “freak” and pushing me to the ground. They both were sent to the principal’s office. Mom and dad came as well. I told Mr. Carson my brother’s not to be blamed; Jory is the one who started it. Mom and dad told me to stay out of it. I found it unfair because I didn’t get a chance to say anything and tell the truth. My brother was grounded for his actions. I felt sorry for him. I told him I’m sorry that because of me, he was grounded. But he just smiled and said, “Don’t feel bad. I’m only protecting you.”

My brother took me to the premiere of “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” one day. There was a dwarf character in the movie. I asked my brother if he’s really that small and he said yes. I told him it would be great to meet the actor. So, he went to the security person and asked if we could meet the actor. By some bizarre luck, we got the chance to meet him! His name is Peter Dinklage. I asked him how is it that he gets to be an actor and whether people judged him for his shortness. He looked at me and said, “It doesn’t matter if you’re big or small. If you believe you can do it, you can and you will do it. Just work hard on what you really want to achieve and it will come true. That’s what I did. I paid attention in school, studied hard and went to drama school because I wanted to be an actor. And look, I am one now.” After that, he just smiled and hugged me.

I know I can achieve big things like Mr. Dinklage. I definitely know that no matter who we are, we can be successful if we work hard for it. We can’t expect the world to adapt to us, we need to adapt to it.

A Simple Smile Can Brighten Someone's Day...

As simple as that, a lot of people need to smile... MORE!

I was walking around town this afternoon and what I see is a lot of faces... STRESSED FACES... So, what I always do is whenever someone looked at me (whether I know them or not), I always smile at them to show that there's nothing to worry about, that everything is going to be just fine.. I don't mind if they don't smile back, I just want them to know that someone cares..

However, as much as I try to brighten people's day, there are a lot if people who are total arseholes.. I mean, if for obvious reasons that you know me, do smile back or at least say 'Hi'.. But, instead, they just walk past me as if I don't exist..

Take this example: I was walking by Union Lawn when I saw a girl wearing the OMSA T-shirt.. So, I smiled at her because I know she is a member of the association.. But instead of smiling back, she just walk away like that didn't happen at all... What's wrong with smiling? It's not a disease.. It's a gift from God...

So to all of you dear readers, whenever someone is looking at you, just smile at them and show them that everything's going to be okay... Who knows, maybe God will give you something in return.. :)

With all due respect,
Hafiz Khairuddin

The Post from Bed...

Just a short post from my bed... Life so far has been amazing... Made new friends, learned new things, and best of all, did amazing things!

I went to Christchurch again this Easter... And the trip turned out great! I can't recall back the last time I had so much fun (apart from being with my family, that is) and I've learned a few things about life as well as myself... ^^

Assignments are, as always, a pain in the arse.. But, that's student life! Without them, we would be very lazy to even go to class... Hehe..

Well, time for me to sleep... A new day tomorrow... ^^

With all due respect,
Hafiz Khairuddin

No Video Blogging for Me... And the rest of this sh*t...

Sorry for the title... It's just what I think about video blogging.. Not that it sucks; it's just too hard for an amateur like me in video editing... Just too damn hard...


But, let me just recap back what has been happening because it has been a while since the last time I updated on this blog...


First off, I went back to Malaysia for the summer... Can't help it because my mother insisted that I go back... So, there I was in a very packed flight back to Malaysia... The best part? Not much has changed since I left! The weird thing is just that the environment is different and looking back, I now miss home even more than I did when I first came to New Zealand...


Secondly, my parents came over and visited me last year in December (this was before I went back)... And the trip turned out magnificent! My parents, of course, complained about the cold (come on, it's freaking Dunedin... Of course it's cold!) and they kinda groaned sometimes... But, they had a lot of fun and so did I! We visited Christchurch looking at the aftermath (my mother was literally surprised) and after that, we looked at the penguins... Too bad they can't stay long because my parents were only here for like a week so, there aren't many places that we can visit...


Next off, I moved flat! Haha... This was the best part of this new year! Apart from new and harder things to learn, I also get a new environment to live in... Not that there's a huge change, just the location (which is closer to my campus) and also the number of flatmates (from 5 flatmates to 1!)...


Anyway, third year degree is finally here and now I can't wait to finish and go back! It's a little contrasting to what my seniors have felt when they were about to leave New Zealand... Most of them said that they wished they could stay another year... But for me, even though 2 years is not long, it is enough to actually expose us to a very new and amazing culture that is not in our country... After all, the best part of living overseas is not the freedom to do whatever we want, it's trying those little things that is not available in our own country... Which is why most tourists enjoy visiting Malaysia because it is hard to find such vibrant cultures and variety of food in their own country...


Till the next post!


With all due respect,
Hafiz Khairuddin


P/S: Sorry if I ramble a little too much... I tend to do that.. :D